Oh, Oh Lawrence

Lawrence, Kansas:

  Someone should write a love song for you.  I’m calling for a little ditty of adventurous affection, pride, loss, and homoerotic sexual tension.  Wait, I’m sure every one of those facets are somehow hidden within KU’s fight song.

OH SICK BURN.

Honestly, I like you, Lawrence.  Yesterday, you graciously opened your arms for Erik and I to exploit the very core of your insides: The University and Massachusetts Street.  

I gotta say one thing to you, though, Lawrence, KU’s campus is preposterously perplexing!  I’m trying to accept our relationship, but you have to realize this is not a one sided ordeal.  I can not keep visiting you with the intentions to someday wholly understand you.  You must make all parts of you easy to get around.  This is called compromise, and adults do it in healthy relationships.

This was just a tiny bump in our day together.  

I thoroughly enjoyed watching a handful of terrible actors fighting for one common goal.  I however, pretended they were all struggling to see who the worst act could be, it made for a much more interesting situation.  

If anyone mentions three exceptionally gregarious souls on Massachusetts street, I was part of them, Lawrence.

Just let your employees at Urban Outfitters know that no matter what, they work in retail in a college town.  Tell em’ they aren’t in any way more exclusive than the next fabricated hipster, so do their fucking jobs and stop snubbing their customers.

Let em’ know, L, that Jessabelle used to work at Urban Outfitters and never found that undeserved sense of entitlement that these people held.

Just another little jar, I promise.

We can get through this too, if we want to.

I really felt something when you let Erik and I discover uncharted parts of town while reaching a moment of absolute and euphoric stoney-ness.  However, driving in you is very mind blowing at this juncture of the mind.  So again, thank you for letting me park on Mass Street for about an hour completely gusting my mind.  My intentions were to find a bench and relax, or a desk.  (A desk?  Really?)  But sitting in the car with the meter running was so much easier.  You have no idea what waved through my body as I watched your citizens amble back and forth exploring your most popular street.

ANDTHENABUNCHOFASIANSFUCKEDITALLUP.

Lawrence, as I analyze this, this THING we have together, I realize this is a very love-hate situation.

I’ll probably see you soon, only next time I will be under the influence of too many drinks.

                                                                    Keep it going and remember me,

Jessabelle Penelope

The Birth of Dear John

My new remedy for mental health consists of a daily dose of angst-ridden-letter-writing.

You've been warned.

Dear Bloggers,

The only person that ever finds what you have to say interesting IS YOU.

Great, you write a blog about what you do from day to day.  Who the fuck cares that you woke up two minutes after your alarm clock, but your stay was still as monotonous and pathetic as it has always been?!

NOT I, MY FRIEND.

Your baby is cute, but come on, nobody wants to waste their time reading about the shitting patterns, styles, consistencies, and colors of what is coming over of your new little ball of fun with a trendy name's ass.  "Oh look, little Jaden or Braden or Rollerskaden crapped up his strained bullshit and I'm going to rub it in my face.  Or maybe I should, because it's the only substance that will ever come this close to my brain!!"

Guess what?  Anime isn't great enough to dedicate an hour of your time every day constructing a fantasy life about yourself with  pictures you stole from another manga-slut.  Do you know why you do this?  YOU'RE FAT.  If you spent that hour running around in circles in your bedroom everyday, you'd lose some of that body mass, where I assume you store all of that insignificant knowledge of Crapanese culture.  Wow, now that you look socially acceptable, try meeting someone.  Wow, real life is more fun than fantasy!  Who would have thought!!

I know the irony of the situation is that I currently am scripting the first entry in my new blog, but I am entering this situation fully aware that nothing I say will ever capture the heart and soul of the internet community.  I will write about things that won't interest you, possibly because you will refuse to see yourself within my words.  

"Oh, Jessabelle.  You write letters to groups of people that IN YOUR OPINION deserve the words you say.  Not everyone believes that.  You are so one sided.  Why don't you learn to accept people for who they are, I mean, you're different."

I say, "You simply do not understand, then.  If you take me seriously, you deserve what I say about you."

So remember, you are not captivating.

Love,

Jessabelle Penelope

I promise I can be intelligent, eloquently spoken, and caring.